dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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