it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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