i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize