i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
