I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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