i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
