I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
