I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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