What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
