Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
