yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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