I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
