Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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