I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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