Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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