Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
