Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The air taste purple.
Randomize
