so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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