His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
