Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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