he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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