I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
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