I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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