I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
