i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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