Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
