Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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