you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
