My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
