6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
