i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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