i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
