where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
