im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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