Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
