I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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