why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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