dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
