my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize