Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize