Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
