Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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