We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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