Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
