I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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