I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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