somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
