Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
