Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
