Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize