Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
