I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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