I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
