We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
