I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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