i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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