I seem to have left my pride at pride
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
