Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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