Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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