woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
