I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
