I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
