have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
