SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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