I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
