Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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