i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
